Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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