I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
