btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
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Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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