Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
