I think I am morally bankrupt
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
