Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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