Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
