How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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