Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
