The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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