Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
