it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize