Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
