Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
