Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
