im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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