i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ok first of all what the fuck
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
