The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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