I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
