turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
