When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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