I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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