I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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