As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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