Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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