it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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