i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
