If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
