TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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