Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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