I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
