There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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