there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
