not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
honey bunches of taint.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
