walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
