The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
