He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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