Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
