oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
