Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
