My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
