Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
