True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
