Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
