I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
