In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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