I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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