Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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