Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
