Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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