Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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