Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
