im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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