Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
