Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
