on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
