dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
