found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
