dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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