marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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