Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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