My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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