2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
