Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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