Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
