i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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