So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
