Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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