Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
high people should be assigned attendants
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize