I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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