Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
