I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
