Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
