This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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